10.11.2025

This is how someone who pretends to be nice acts… but talks badly about you behind your back

By Vitia

There’s nothing more disconcerting than discovering that someone you considered kind, smiling, and approachable actually harbors a dark side that only emerges when you’re not around. These are the people who, to your face, appear sweet, supportive, and even affectionate, but behind your back, they transform into ruthless critics, hurling hurtful and draining comments.

This type of deception isn’t always easy to detect because it’s disguised as polite gestures and kind words that mask a very different intention. Understanding how they operate and learning to protect yourself is key to avoiding their emotional traps.

How a Fake Person Who Pretends to Be Good Acts

People who play this dual role usually have a very distinctive acting style:

  • They smile too much, but their eyes don’t match. They use exaggerated gestures of friendliness to disguise the discomfort they feel in showing their true selves.
  • They become confidants… only to later use what you told them against you. They seem interested in listening to you, but they’re really just gathering information.
  • They flatter with a hint of poison. Their compliments are often accompanied by comparisons or ambiguous phrases that sow doubt about you.
  • They talk about other people to gauge your reaction. They criticize others in front of you, only to repeat the same things about you later in another setting.
  • They present themselves as indispensable. They try to be seen as “the good guys,” the ones who are always there, but in reality, they seek recognition and validation at the expense of others.

In short, their strategy consists of creating a facade of kindness to gain your trust, while behind the scenes they weaken your image.

What Can I Do About Them?

Knowing how to identify these attitudes is the first step, but the key is how you react:

  1. Trust what you see more than what you hear. Pay attention to the consistency between words and actions; if they don’t match, there’s deception.
  2. Be careful what you share. Don’t give personal information to people who show signs of hypocrisy.
  3. Set clear boundaries. You don’t need dramatic confrontations, but you do need to create distance and not depend on their approval.
  4. Surround yourself with authenticity. Keep close those who demonstrate consistency between what they say and do; their presence will serve as a contrast to what is false.
  5. Don’t become their mirror. Avoid falling into the same trap of speaking ill of others behind their backs; silence and prudence are your best shield.

Fake people can be found in any environment: family, work, or friendships. True strength lies in recognizing them without losing your essence and in maintaining your dignity above their hypocrisy.

How Can I Get Away From Them

Distancing yourself from someone who pretends to be nice but speaks ill of you can be difficult, especially if they’re in your inner circle. However, it’s possible to do it without drama or guilt.

  • Reduce contact gradually. You don’t need to cut them off completely; simply limit interactions and don’t give them any opportunities to intrude on your private life.
  • Be cordial, but distant. Treat them politely, without giving them access to your private life.
  • Focus on your priorities. Fill your time with activities, people, and projects that bring positive energy; that way, the presence of someone fake loses its power in your life.
  • Boost your self-esteem. When you recognize your worth, their criticism loses its power over you.
  • Accept that you can’t change them. Their dishonesty is a reflection of their insecurities, not your actions; understanding this will give you emotional freedom.

Walking away doesn’t always mean disappearing, but rather creating enough distance to protect your peace of mind and keep your life away from its toxicity.



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