22.11.2025

This Is How a Person Who Pretends to Be Good Acts… but Speak Ill of You behind your Back

By Vitia

There’s nothing more disconcerting than discovering that someone you considered kind, smiling, and approachable, actually harbors a dark side that only shows when you’re not around. They are those people who, in front of you, appear sweet, supportive and even affectionate, but when you turn your back they become merciless critics, launching comments that hurt and wear you down.

This type of falsehood is not always easy to detect, because it is wrapped in gestures of courtesy and kind words that mask a very different intention. Discovering how they act and learning to protect yourself is key to not falling into their emotional traps.

How a Fake Person Acts Who Pretends to Be Good

People who play this dual role usually have a very marked acting style:

  • They smile too much, but their eyes do not accompany. They use exaggerated gestures of sympathy to disguise the discomfort they feel in showing their true selves.
  • They become confidants… and then use what you told them against you. They seem interested in listening to you, but they do it to gather information.
  • They flatter with a hint of poison. Their compliments are often accompanied by comparisons or ambiguous phrases that sow doubt about you.
  • They talk about third parties to gauge your reaction. They criticize others in front of you, and then repeat the same thing about you in another circle.
  • They are indispensable. They try to be seen as “the good guys in the movie”, the ones who are always there, but in reality they seek recognition and validation at the expense of others.

In short, their strategy is to create a façade of kindness to gain your trust, while in the shadows they weaken your image.

What can I do about them?

Knowing how to identify these attitudes is the first step, but the key is in how you react:

  1. Trust what you see more than what you hear. Pay attention to the coherence between words and actions; if they do not coincide, there is falsehood.
  2. Be careful about what you share. Don’t give personal information to people who show signs of hypocrisy.
  3. Set clear boundaries. You don’t need dramatic confrontations, but you do need to distance yourself and not depend on their approval.
  4. Surround yourself with authenticity. Keep close those who demonstrate coherence between what they say and do; Their presence will serve as a contrast to the false.
  5. Don’t become their mirror. Avoid falling into the same game of badmouthing from behind; Silence and prudence are your best shield.

Fake people can be in any environment: family, work, or friends. True strength is in recognizing them without losing your essence and in maintaining your dignity above their hypocrisy

How I Can Get Away From Them

Walking away from a person who pretends to be good but talks badly about you can be difficult, especially if they are in your close circle. However, it is possible to do so without drama or guilt:

  • Reduce contact little by little. You don’t need to nip in the bud; it is enough to limit interactions and not offer spaces for them to enter your private life.
  • Be cordial, but distant. Treat them politely, without giving them access to your privacy.
  • Focus on your priorities. Fill your time with activities, people and projects that bring positive energy; thus the presence of someone fake loses weight in your life.
  • Strengthen your self-esteem. When you recognize your worth, their criticism loses power over you.
  • Accept that you can’t change them. Falsehood is a reflection of your insecurities, not your actions; Understanding this will give you emotional freedom.

Walking away doesn’t always mean disappearing, but rather marking enough distance to protect your peace of mind and keep your life away from its toxicity.



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