After 70 years of age, never let anyone do this to you.

Reaching 70 does not mean becoming invisible, incapable or dependent by default. However, for many people, this stage brings a silent and painful change: they stop being consulted, they begin to be corrected, monitored or decided by others “with good intentions”. What was once respect for experience is gradually transformed into control disguised as care.

Many older adults begin to notice something disturbing: they speak to them in diminutives, make decisions for them without asking, doubt their criteria and justify everything with phrases such as “it’s for your good” or “at your age you shouldn’t anymore”. This treatment, although it may seem harmless or loving, has a name and profound consequences.

Infantilization: a silent and normalized violence

To infantilize an elderly person is to treat them as if they have lost their ability to think, decide and understand. It doesn’t always happen with bad intentions. Many times it is born of fear, misunderstood love or a culture that associates old age with uselessness.

The problem is that when others decide for you constantly, you don’t just lose autonomy: you start to lose identity. You stop feeling like you own your life and, over time, even you yourself begin to doubt your abilities. This process is slow, but devastating.

Psychology calls it learned helplessness: when a person, after many experiences where he is not allowed to decide, stops trying even when he can still do so.

The high cost of losing your voice

The loss of autonomy does not only affect the emotional. Studies show that older people who maintain their ability to decide live longer and with a better quality of life. The brain needs to choose, solve, make mistakes, and participate. When it stops doing so, it deteriorates faster.

In addition, when a person is no longer heard, something even more dangerous appears: the loss of a sense of purpose. She wakes up each day feeling like she’s no longer needed. And when the brain thinks it’s not necessary, it starts to shut down.

This generates a vicious circle:
you lose voice → become passive → others believe that you can’t → decide for you → you lose even more voice.

The love that controls is not complete love

One of the most difficult aspects is that this annulment usually comes from people close to them: children, partner, family. They believe that they care, but they confuse protection with control. And you, because you don’t generate conflicts or for fear of being alone, you begin to give in.

First it’s the clothes, then the food, then the money, the outings, the important decisions. Until one day you realize that you no longer know who you are or what you want.

Accepting help is not the problem. The problem is accepting help that takes away your dignity.

The enemy within: internalized ageism

After years of hearing phrases like “you’re too old for that,” many people end up believing it. That inner voice that says “I can’t anymore” or “it’s not worth it anymore” wasn’t born with you: it was learned.

This is called internalized ageism, and it is one of the biggest obstacles to regaining autonomy. As long as you believe you can’t anymore, you’ll act as if it’s true, reinforcing the prejudice.

The good news is that this cycle can be broken with awareness, action, and new habits of mind.

Table of Contents

Practical tips and recommendations

• Defend your right to decide: being grateful for concern does not mean giving up your autonomy. You can say calmly and firmly, “I appreciate your help, but this decision is up to me.”
• Ask when they decide for you: A simple phrase like “why do you assume I can’t decide this?” restores control and forces the other person to reflect.
• Set clear boundaries: Make explicit which areas of your life are negotiable and which are not. Your money, your body, and your personal decisions should remain yours.
• Accept help that empowers, not that which annuls: healthy help includes you and asks you; the harmful one replaces you.
• Take care of your internal dialogue: when the phrase “I can’t anymore” appears, question it. Ask yourself if it’s a real fact or a learned bias.
• Take action, even if it’s small: every decision you make for yourself strengthens your confidence and weakens fear.
• Surround yourself with positive stimuli: look for stories, people and spaces where old age is synonymous with experience, not discarding.
• Always remember this: whoever truly loves you will respect your limits. Whoever does not respect them, does not take care of them, controls.

After 70, the most valuable thing you must protect is not only your health, but your autonomy, your voice and your dignity. Allowing others to decide for you may seem comfortable at first, but it ends up slowly shutting down your identity. Your life is still yours. Your experience matters. And your right to decide has no expiration date. Defending it is not selfishness: it is self-love.

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