Why some siblings distance themselves over time and how that decision is lived in maturity
I am seventy-four years old. Six years ago I made a decision that changed my life: I cut off all contact with my siblings. For sixty-eight years I tried to maintain relationships with people who took everything and gave nothing. I was the one who took care, the one responsible, the one who always allowed himself to be trampled on.
This is the story of a personal transformation, of how to recognize when a family relationship stops nurturing us and begins to wear us down, and of what it means to live that decision from maturity.
Sibling relationships aren’t always straightforward
From childhood, sibling bonds are usually among the longest-lasting that a person has in their life. Sometimes they represent support, companionship and complicity; others, competition, rivalry and pain. The causes for which siblings can distance themselves are diverse: personality differences, unresolved conflicts, parental favoritism, jealousy or toxic family dynamics that drag on for years.
In my case, for decades I tried to maintain a relationship that was always one-sided. I gave love, support and understanding, but I never received anything in return. As time went by, that dynamic consumed me.
The truth that comes after a loss
My mother’s death was a turning point. At that moment, for the first time, I saw clearly the reality of my relationships with my siblings: they were not healthy or reciprocal bonds, but chains of emotional demands, blackmail and expectations that were impossible to satisfy.
That clarity wasn’t easy, but once I had it, I knew that maintaining the situation would be to keep choosing a kind of suffering that I was no longer willing to tolerate.
Deciding to walk away: an act of self-love
Walking away was not an act of revenge or anger, but of emotional survival. For years I had postponed my well-being to try to sustain a bond that, in reality, drained me.
The last six years have been the quietest of my life. No dramas. No emotional blackmail. No toxic calls. My inner peace, something I had forgotten how it felt, reappeared.
This type of distancing — also called estrangement by some psychologists — occurs when a person decides to set healthy boundaries because family relationships have ceased to be nurturing and have become a source of chronic pain.
Does that mean I will never love my brothers again?
Not necessarily. The decision to cut off contact does not mean erasing the past or denying what we share. It means recognizing that some relationships, as they were, cannot be sustained without destroying our own emotional health.
Loving from a distance can be a way to take care of my well-being without fueling dynamics that hurt me.
Reflections for those struggling with this dilemma
If you’re wondering if you should cut ties with a toxic sibling, this video (and my story) is for you. There are no universal formulas. Every person and every family is different. What I can tell you from my experience:
- Identify toxicity: Family relationships can be painful, but when harmful patterns start repeating themselves year after year, it’s important to pay attention.
- Setting boundaries isn’t selfishness: it’s a mature way to protect your emotional balance.
- Peace is also a choice: deciding to distance yourself from those who harm you does not mean denying your history, but defending your well-being.
Sometimes, fraternity is not measured by blood, but by respect, reciprocity, and the ability to grow together. When that is lacking, stepping aside can be the healthiest and most liberating decision.
Finally, you can see all this information in the following video from
the WISECAST channel:
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