Why You Chose That Person as a Partner According to Buddhist Wisdom
Do you feel that your relationship no longer has a soul? Wondering why you chose that person? From the Buddhist perspective, relationships can be understood in a profound way that goes beyond the physical and emotional.
Buddhist wisdom invites us to look at our bonds through karma, intention, and the causes that brought us here.
The link is no coincidence
For Buddhism, it’s not always pure coincidence with whom we end up sharing our lives. The teaching suggests that our bonds reflect karmic seeds (bīja) that we have planted in past lives or in deep experiences of this life. These seeds can manifest as attraction, familiarity, affinity, or even challenges that seem to repeat themselves.
More than a predetermined destiny, karma is understood as the natural inertia of our past actions: thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that create patterns that repeat themselves.
Thus, the person we choose can be someone with whom we have a deep bond, even if it is not always based on a conscious or rational choice.
Why this person? Keys to understanding it from Buddhism
1. Karmic Attraction and Patterns
Buddhist wisdom points out that our relationships are influenced by internal tendencies that push us towards certain people. These trends are not random: they may be connected to experiences that we have not yet transformed or understood. Wikipedia
It is not so much about fate in a mystical sense, but about causes and conditions that converge for two lives to meet. That person may reflect aspects of ourselves that we still need to understand, work on, or heal.
2. Learning and inner growth
Buddhism does not see the couple solely as someone to satisfy emotional needs. Rather, a relationship can be a mirror where we observe our reactions, fears, attachments, and possibilities for growth.
A relationship can feel empty or soulless when we stop consciously working on ourselves. The challenge is not to blame the other or wish for them to change, but to recognize and understand what parts of our inner life are being activated through this relationship.
3. Beyond attachment
Attachment – that need for the other person to complete us or give us security – is one of the main obstacles to a healthy relationship from the Buddhist point of view. Buddhism teaches that happiness should not depend exclusively on another person, but on cultivating inner peace and clarity.
When we depend on our partner to feel complete, we can fall into patterns of suffering: fear of loss, insecurity, jealousy, or expectations. The Buddhist path invites us to transform these tendencies.
The Karma of Marriage: A Spiritual and Emotional Look
From the Buddhist perspective, marriage or the relationship is a field of deep learning. It is not only the union of two beings, but a space where our deepest tendencies are shown. These can include our noblest aspirations, but also our attachments, expectations, and emotional habits.
In this sense, asking yourself why you chose that person is a first step toward mindfulness, an invitation to observe what your relationship is showing you and what part of you needs attention, healing, or transformation.
A Buddhist ritual for tonight
If you feel like your relationship is stagnant or unconnected, you can do a simple practice of mindful reflection to release trapped emotions:
- Find a quiet place where no one will interrupt you.
- Take a few deep breaths, calming your body and mind.
- Remember your partner neutrally; Notice how you feel without judgment.
- Recognize emotions that arise—anxiety, sadness, anger, homesickness—and let them be.
- Imagine releasing those emotions with each exhale, making room for inner clarity.
- Make an intention: for example, “May I see with wisdom what needs healing in me and in this relationship.”
This simple exercise does not require strict religious beliefs, but rather the practice of mindfulness and the release of emotional burdens that may be affecting your present.
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