I am 83 years old: alternatives to nursing homes when it is not possible to live alone.
I am 83 years old. Last week my daughter called me and said,
“Mom, we need to talk about your housing situation.
He knew exactly what it meant. The idea had been floating around for months: a residence, assisted living, “a safer place”. My name is Margarita and I want to tell you what I learned about getting older and needing help. Because the options everyone is talking about are not the only ones… and many times they are not even the best.
If you’re younger, maybe you’re thinking this for your parents.
If you’re my age, you’re probably thinking about yourself.
Learning to live alone after a lifetime of companionship
After Ricardo died, I lived alone for the first time in my life. It was 46 years of marriage… and suddenly, silence.
At first I could do everything: I cooked, cleaned, did my paperwork. He told me that I liked calm. But little by little the changes began:
- I would run out of air when climbing stairs.
- My hands trembled when I opened jars.
- I forgot why I entered a room.
One morning I slipped when I got out of the shower. I didn’t fall, but that night I thought:
What if next time no one finds me?
Living with family does not always cure loneliness
I called my daughter and went to live with her “for a while.” At first it was nice: dinners, talks, feeling included. But reality came quickly.
They had their routines, their work, their lives. I spent hours alone… Just like before, but now in a house that wasn’t mine.
The frictions appeared without bad intentions:
- “Mom, less salt.”
- “Mom, turn the volume down.”
- “Mom, on Saturday we go out, will you be okay?”
One day I heard my daughter say on the phone,
“I know it’s the right thing to do, but it’s exhausting.
That’s when I understood something painful: living with family doesn’t always make you feel accompanied. Sometimes it makes you feel invisible.
Paid aid also takes an emotional toll
I returned home and sought professional help. At first it worked… until the accounts arrived.
Even partial aid cost more than it could sustain.
In addition, each new person meant starting from scratch: explaining my habits, my tastes, my home. I felt tired, out of control, and increasingly dependent.
The residence: safe, clean… but not free
I agreed to try an assisted living facility. It was correct, orderly, well attended. But everything had a schedule:
- Sleep early
- Eating at five
- Do not leave after a certain time
One night I wanted to walk in the open air. They arrested me.
—Security policy.
I was 83 years old and someone decided when I should sleep.
That was not living. It was to exist.
When the solution appeared where you least expected it
One day, on my way to the store, I saw my neighbor Sara. Single mother, exhausted, on the verge of tears. Without thinking about it, I offered to pick up her daughter from school.
That’s how it all began.
I picked up Emma.
Sara left me food.
Her family helped me with what I could no longer do alone.
It was not charity. It was exchange. Community.
What I really needed
I didn’t need to be taken care of.
I needed to remain useful.
Age doesn’t make you useless. It only changes what you can offer.
I had time, experience, listening, presence.
Today I live alone, but I am not alone. I’m not waiting for the end. I’m living now, on my terms.
Tips and recommendations
- Don’t think that there are only two options: total independence or total dependence.
- It seeks human networks rather than expensive solutions.
- Offer what you can still give; that creates real bonds.
- Accepting help does not mean losing dignity.
- The community is worth more than any paid service.
Getting older doesn’t mean disappearing.
It means finding new ways of being present, of contributing and of living with meaning.
Sometimes, the best help doesn’t come from institutions, but from the people who walk by your side every day.
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