Living near your children in old age is the biggest mistake you’ll regret: the wisdom of Confucius
More than two thousand five hundred years ago, a man named Li Wei dedicated his life to raising his children with the firm belief that, in old age, they would live together, sharing affection, understanding, and moments by the fire.
However, when he moved back in with his family, he sadly discovered that while he felt closer to them, they perceived him as increasingly distant. The children were engrossed in their devices, the kids were busy, the conversations became superficial, and inside, emptiness reigned.
She discovered that her tiredness was not only due to age, but also to loneliness and a lack of real connection.
Confucius’s advice
Seeking answers, he consulted the sage Confucius. Confucius explained that the problem lay not with his children, but with his expectations. He illustrated this with simple examples, showing that just as a vessel cannot hold more than it is designed to, one cannot force a place in another’s heart. Love, when born of duty, neither warms nor comforts.
The lesson of nature
Confucius compared life to a river flowing to the sea without returning to its source: children must continue their journey, and the role of the father is not to hold them back, but to allow them to move forward. He also taught that, just as two trees too close together fight for the light, human relationships need space and freedom to grow healthy.
Learning to let go
The old man realized that by demanding love and gratitude, all he was doing was pushing his children away. Confucius showed him that true love cannot be squeezed or controlled, like sand in a fist or water between the hands.
The key is to let go, to allow affection to return naturally, not by force.
A new purpose in old age
The wise man urged him to reinvent himself, to find meaning beyond his family. Dignity brings respect, and old age should not be seen as an end, but as a new opportunity to sow seeds, teach, and be an example.
By engaging in other activities at the temple and in service, Li Wei regained his joy and self-confidence.
The return of true love
When he stopped demanding and imposing his presence, his family’s affection returned. His son sought him out, not out of duty, but out of genuine love. Li Wei then understood that respect and love are not born from demanding them, but from being someone who inspires, who offers peace, and who knows how to live in freedom.
The great life lesson:
In old age, we shouldn’t cling to expectations or beg for love. Respect and affection blossom when we create space, live with dignity, and continue to be a light, without demands or resentment.